Aaron has benefitted from several different projects run by the Good Shepherd. He has been part of the AfEO initiative, which helps people who have an offending history within the last 12 months into private accommodation, with tailored support. That link-up has then led to him taking part in several of the meaningful activity groups to help boost his mental health and sense of self-worth. This is his story:
After being in custody, I was referred to the Good Shepherd by the Black Country health and justice team, who were amazing. When their member of staff got to know my situation, she worked with me and mentioned this initiative delivered by the Good Shepherd.
I came and had an appointment with Tina (Good Shepherd Senior Key Worker Tina Lane), who started the process of helping me into accommodation in the private sector.
From there everything started to fall into place, I even had my first bank account for nine years, and I now have my own accommodation.
Without the Good Shepherd, I really think there is a chance I would either be dead or in prison for life.
My offending didn’t start until after I left home when I was 18 and I didn’t go to jail until I was 20.
I split with my partner who was pregnant at the time, and after that I was stopped from seeing my daughter, my first born child. That hit me hard, not even getting any photos or video calls, and I went downhill pretty quickly.
I was smoking cannabis, hanging out with old friends, and just didn’t deal with some of the difficult challenges I had to go through.
I hadn’t had a bad childhood, far from it. Myself and my sisters had everything we needed. My mom was strict but never treated us badly, we were fed, had clothes on our backs and were given toys. I was just four years old when my Dad left home, and even now, I can remember my Grandad dropping us off that day, and I am 29 now.
What I had seen growing up probably didn’t affect me straightaway, but it did a bit later. It affected my mental health in a way I wasn’t expecting. It messed me up as a person, I am not someone who deals with things very well, and that has led to the way my life has turned out so far.
As a result, I was in and out of jail, and became homeless, and the only good thing is that I never progressed onto harder drugs. I am glad I managed to avoid going down that path, as life would have become even more difficult than it is now.
I have been to prison six times, and it’s not a good place to be. Yes, you still have access to a phone and can watch TV, but it doesn’t matter, it’s still prison. We need to realise that the world doesn’t stop, it keeps moving.
I have tried to sort myself out before, and when I came out of prison back in 2017, I came to the Good Shepherd. But at that time, it wasn’t for me.
The last time I was in prison, something clicked inside my head. I made a promise to myself, that this had to be my last sentence. If was going to go inside again, I would end up being ‘lifed’ off.
So, when I came out this time, and had met Tina, I spoke to Paul (Good Shepherd Key worker Paul Burns) as well, about coming back to the groups. I was a little bit older now, and in a very different place.
While I was in jail, I had become a listener and had some training from the Samaritans. At this point, I knew what I wanted to do, what my passion was. I learnt a lot, and all the qualifications I have now were achieved when I was in prison.
I also took up poetry, which gave me something to do, and origami. I can make teddy bears out of paper now! These things keep me occupied and stop me over-thinking.
I wanted to come out and do what some of those guys do, to help people, because that will also help me to change. It makes me feel good when I’ve put a smile on someone’s face or made them feel better.
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It doesn’t always go right, and I have had some stressful times, but I tell myself to keep going and remember that things take time.
It’s good to keep busy and I need to keep busy, coming to the groups three times a week – walking, the emotions group and the men’s group. If I am asked to come along, I will always say yes, but sometimes, I’m not able to turn up. That’s because of my mental health, as it can get often get so bad that I can’t leave the room and can’t physically pick my phone up.
But the people at the Good Shepherd, they understand.
They don’t judge me, or shout at me. There is a trust between us and I know now what support I can get, which I didn’t before.
I still have good days and bad days but, overall, I feel positive. And that feeling of wanting to help is more important for me to keep going.
It only takes a couple of seconds to say to someone, ‘are you alright?’ Or, ‘is there anything you need’? It makes that person realise there is support out there for them.
It’s like when a homeless lad came to one of the groups a couple of weeks ago. I remember thinking what that was like when it’s cold and windy, raining or snowing, and you’re there with just a sleeping bag.
You are sat there with people laughing at you and judging you without any idea of what you have been through or what has happened to you.
I still have difficulties but I’ve got a room in a shared house, and this guy has only got a doorway.
In that situation, I think it’s important to sit down and get to know that person, to try and understand what’s happened, because I always appreciated it when people did that with me. We’re all the same, we all have the same blood.
I’ve also started a group on Facebook for men to share their thoughts and experiences to try and help improve their mental health.
It might just be the odd photo or motivational message in there, and there’s a group chat if people want to get involved. I think we can all help each other.
The biggest thing for me now is communication.
A lot of people out there aren’t there for me anymore, and this building is where I am getting support, it’s my safe place at the moment and I enjoy coming here as it keeps me positive.
The groups are really helping me, because they help me to understand myself and I’ve made new friends and I have bonds with people I thought I’d never associate with.
We were talking in the emotions group about shame and blame, and understanding those two different feelings, which I often experience on a daily basis.
Discussing it and talking about my experiences helps me understand those emotions so much more. It also helps me understand my triggers and how to cope with certain situations. The people at the Good Shepherd have helped me more than they could ever know. I have no words to show my gratitude
I have had difficulties getting support and treatment for mental health issues and it is only with the professionals on my side that I have been able to make progress.
Human beings don’t want to be mentally ill, to see things or hear voices or be described as crazy. At the end of the day, some of us are broken but we are still human beings.
I don’t want to be that person and I know I have got to change because I have kids out there who I want to see and build relationships with.
I want to be a good man and a good Dad, and, with the help of the Good Shepherd, I have got to get through the challenges and try and change my life.
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TINA SAYS
Aaron has been doing really well, particularly with how positive he has been towards other people attending the groups.
A rough sleeper who had been before didn’t arrive to one of the sessions, and Aaron went to find him to walk with him here to help him come back.
Anything we put in front of him he listens to and embraces. And even if he is having a bad day, he is willing to have an open conversation.
He is also trying to get himself in a position where he would be able to enrol onto our LEAP programme, for volunteers with lived experience.
It is really important that he has managed to get into his own accommodation, and we are working with him and providing support to improve his mental health which will help him continue to move forward.